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Missing you comes in waves, tonight I’m drowning. – Unknown Author

Special Thought – Happiness is my choice. Decide every morning that you are in a good mood.

Welcome back to Renew Inspiration! I am truly lost and broken on today. It has been 3 years since my beautiful mother left her earthly body to be in heaven. I find myself repeating this quote from time to time:

A million words would not bring her back, I know because I’ve tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I cried. – Unknown Author

I realize deep in my heart that she is in a better place where she will no longer be in pain while struggling to breathe due to her failing lungs. My mother suffered from severe COPD for about 5 years or so. I watched her change from an independent, vibrant, and feisty woman to one who struggled to care for herself on a daily basis. Watching her go through this terrible transition honestly broke me down to my core. It hurt me so much because I could not do anything to help her overcome this obstacle, this awful illness, that she had to endure. This whole experience left me totally lost and broken even until this day.

If I had to find a happy place throughout this experience, I would have to say that my mother and I grew closer to one another. We had a special bond that could never be broken. Even that last night together, I was able to bathe her and pray for her. That was a special moment that will forever be in my heart. She smiled as I left her room that night. I smiled back as I said, “I love you mom.” Not knowing that was the last time I would see her alive. My positive memories will never replace her presence in my life, seeing her warm smile or hearing her laughter. Honestly, I feel her spirit every day and she visit me in dreams often. Sometimes the dreams seem so real.

Losing our loved ones is hard and painful but losing them during the holidays is even harder. Believe it or not, writing my feelings out in a journal helps me sort out my thoughts. I’m able to release the hurt, loneliness, pain, anger, and heartache all in one place without judgment. With time, I know I will learn to live and express myself differently, but for now writing is my first choice throughout this lost and broken journey.

My mouth says, “I’m okay.” My fingers text, “I’m fine.” My heart says, I’m broken.” – Unknown Author

AFFIRMATIONS – (aimhappy.com)

• Trust the process/journey.

• Peace and comfort are my main priority.

• I am open to this moment.

• I am connected to what really matters in my life.

• I am a living, breathing example of the kind of world I want to live in.

TIME FOR REFLECTION – JOURNAL PROMPTS

• Why do I feel lost and broken on today?

• What do I know to be true in this moment?

• What do I want more of in my life?

• What am I ready to let go of?

• What was my high and low today?

• What questions am I facing right now?

• When was the last time I felt truly at peace?

SHARE YOUR COMMENTS

Have you ever felt lost and broken throughout life? Have you ever lost a loved one during the holidays? If so, how did you cope with your grief and pain? Please share your life experiences in the comment section.

Believe in yourself today, tomorrow and forever!

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