Something to Think About – Those who think there is a time limit when grieving, have never lost a piece of their heart.

Welcome back to Renew Inspiration! Sweet November is here. November holds a special place in my heart. November is National Adoption Awareness Month and my mother’s birthday is on November 29th.

I didn’t give you the gift of life, life gave me the gift of you. – Unknown Author

November is recognized as National Adoption Awareness Month. For over two decades, National Adoption Month has been promoted and celebrated in communities across the United States. We must recognize the importance of providing loving and permanent families for children in the United States foster care system. In 2011, my husband and I did just that. We fostered, then adopted our two sons to help support these efforts and to grow our family. This initiative focuses on outreach and builds awareness throughout the month of November. Let’s help celebrate this month by spreading the word and helping our children find loving and safe homes.

Adopt a child…if you can’t adopt,
Foster a child…if you can’t foster,
Sponsor a child…if you can’t sponsor,
Volunteer at a local agency or homeless shelter…if you can’t volunteer,
Donate to a local agency or charity of your choice…if you can’t donate,
Spread the word and educate others!

Click the link for more information:
https://www.childwelfare.gov

A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me. – Jody Landers

Needless to say, my emotions are all over the place around this time of the year. It’s so ironic how my mother was born in November 1942 around the Thanksgiving Holiday. Then, she became very ill around the Thanksgiving Holiday in 2015 and passed away right before the Christmas Holiday. Sometimes I wish time would stand still and I don’t have to relive the pain that comes during this time of the year. While everyone else is excited for the holidays, I dread it with everything within me. The holidays are not the same without my mother physically being here. Yes, I have memories and pictures, but it is not the same. No amount of journaling, blogging or therapy sessions will save you from the emotional turmoil that you experience and feel throughout the grieving process.

Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, but not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith, it is the price of love. – Unknown Author

Even though there are 5 stages of grief and loss, people who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. The stages of grief and mourning are universal in nature and are experienced by people from all walks of life, across many cultures. Mourning occurs in our lives in response to an individual’s own terminal illness, the loss of a close relationship, or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. While mourning, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage with different levels of intensity.

5 STAGES OF GRIEF & LOSS – On Death and Dying written by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Loss and heartache do not define you. They are part of your story. – Unknown Author

• Denial & Isolation – The first reaction is to deny and isolate yourself from the reality of the situation. Most people block out the painful words and hide from the facts. Some people will believe that nothing is of any value any more, not even life itself. For most people, this stage of grief and loss is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

• Anger – As denial and isolation leaves us, reality and its pain re-emerge. Now, the intense emotion people feel turns into anger. The anger may be toward objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Even though deep down inside the person knows this feeling of anger is wrong, they may even be directing it toward dying or deceased loved ones as well.

• Bargaining – In the next stage, there are feelings of helplessness and vulnerability as a way to regain control through a series of “if only” statements, such as “If only we had sought medical attention sooner” or “If only we got a second opinion from another doctor.” Unfortunately, this is an attempt to bargain with God or our higher power in order to postpone our pain. Guilt often accompanies bargaining as well. The person believes there was something they could have done differently to have helped save their loved ones’ life.

• Depression – In the next stage, the person may start to be overwhelmed with sadness or regret which turns into worry. This phase may be eased by simple reassurance from others around them. Another phase of depression is when the person is more private and tries to bid a farewell to their loved one in silence. In this case, a hug or a kind gesture will comfort them.

• Acceptance – Reaching this stage of grieving is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected, or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. Unfortunately, this phase is marked by withdrawal and calm.

Please keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way. Some people will wear their emotions on their face and be outwardly emotional. Other people will experience their grief more internally and may not cry at all. Remember, do not judge how a person experiences their grief, as each person will experience it differently.

Grief is not a disorder, a disease or sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve. – Earl Grollman

When I Think of Death written by Maya Angelou

When I think of death, and of late the idea has come with alarming frequency, I seem at peace with the idea that a day will dawn when I will no longer be among those living in this valley of strange humors. I can accept the idea of my own demise, but I am unable to accept the death of anyone else. I find it impossible to let a friend or relative go into that country of no return. Disbelief becomes my dose companion, and anger follows in its wake. I answer the heroic question ‘Death, where is thy sting?’ with ‘it is here in my heart and mind memories.’

TIME FOR REFLECTION – COPING WITH GRIEF

It’s hard to forget someone; who gave you so much to remember. – Unknown Author

• Pick a quote. One that you like seems to be the most obvious choice, but you also might find it helpful to write about a quote that you feel yourself wanting to push away from.

• Write about what you find meaningful in the quote. How does it fit with your own journey and learning?

• Write about what you resist in the quote. What makes it hard to live with?

• What invitation do you feel in the quote?

• What do you need in your life to live into the invitation?

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JOURNAL PROMPTS – COPING WITH GRIEF

No matter how long it’s been, there are times when it suddenly becomes hard to breathe. – Unknown Author

• Today, I am really missing…

• I am having a hard time with…

• The hardest time of day is…

• The hardest time of the year is…

• I have been feeling a lot of…

• I could use some more…

• I find it helpful when…

• I feel most connected with my loved one when I…

• A comforting memory of my loved one is…

• I can honor my loved one by…

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS/COMMENTS

Have you ever thought about fostering or adopting a child from a local agency? If so, please share your experiences.

Coping with grief and loss is ultimately a deeply personal experience. Nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But loved ones and friends can be there for you to help comfort you through the process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Remember, as long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life.

Have you experienced any stages of grief? If so, how did you cope throughout the stages? Were you alone and isolated or did you allow your family/friends to comfort you?

Believe in yourself today, tomorrow and forever!

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